The Diamond News Show
by Amberdiamondswords
Summary: Welcome to the Diamond News Show. With our anchors, Swords and Ratchet, we will bring you all the news happening around Ninjago in the funniest way possible. Rated T (even for a news show). And, as always, the summary sucks.
1. Chapter 1

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight, the author randomly thinks of this story while she's watching American Dad, Frank interviews Mystake about her newest teas, and we have footage of a cat stuck in a tree being rescued. Welcome diamond swordians, to The Diamond News Show

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**The news show that assures you that our audience is not handcuffed to their seats. And now, here are your anchors, Swords Evelyn and Ratchet Lombax**

Swords: Thank you invisible narrator, I'm sure we'll find you some day. I'm Swords Evelyn.

Ratchet: And I'm Ratchet Lombax and here's what the other news shows left for us. Author Amberdiamondswords had a story epiphany today while watching her afternoon marathon of American Dad on TBS. She claims to have had spoken to her friend "WriteYourNinjago", who approved of the story idea. We have the conversation here:

* * *

AmberDS: Dude...I just had that moment when a totes ma goats awesome idea for a story comes to you.

Alright, bear (bare...b-bear...ah whatever) with me now...The Diamond News Show! Swords is the anchor for a News show where they broadcast everything that's happening in Ninjago whether it be snakes attacking or a cat stuck in a tree!

WYN: OMG YES, advertise other stories, make jokes (funnier then Jay's) and all things swordian!

AmberDS: Okay, this is full on SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY situation! Imma work on it right now!

* * *

Swords: And the author did indeed right the news show...you can tell because you're reading it right now...you see? You see yourself reading this? Yeah...you move to the next line

Ratchet: ...What the f*ck was that?

Swords: I don't know. Let's move on to the next story before you're fired for swearing...ya' ass wipe

Ratchet: HEY!

Swords: Go figure. We now go live to Frank Eisenhower-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EISENHOWER! AHAHA! EISEN-F*CKING-HOWER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Falls out of seat*

Ratchet: ...We go live to Frank who is at Mystake's Tea Shop, interviewing her about her shop's new teas. Go ahead Frank

* * *

Frank: Thank you Ratchet. Mystake does have new teas coming to her shop. Mystake, what new flavors will we be seeing?

Mystake: Well, my new flavors are honey, spice herbal, lemon, and sweet cinnamon

Frank: I'm pretty sure that most of those flavors don't exist, but the author doesn't know squat about teas, but what do you expect? Now, when can we expect the new teas to come?

Mystake: Oh, that's the truck right now. I'll put them on the shelves as soon as they're unload-

Sensei: NEW TEA! *Jumps through store window*

Mystake: ...

Frank: ...

Everyone at the news studio: ...

Frank: ...Well, people definitely seem...excited...this is Frank Eisenhower, Diamond News.

* * *

Ratchet: You about done there Swords?

Swords: Ahahaha...ahahah...I think I wet myself...ahahaha...ahah...ahhh *gets back into chair* L-let's check with Clank for the weather, what kind of conditions can we expect this week Clank?

Clank: I'm too short for the camera!

Swords: Sunny it is!

Ratchet: *Facepalm*

Swords: Ehehe, I like it when you hurt your own face

Ratchet: Why did I ever agree to this?

Swords: You didn't

Ratchet: Uhh...oh yeah

Swords: While me and Ratchet bicker, here's footage of a cat stuck in a tree

* * *

Cat: *Stuck in a tree* Meow! Meow! (Help me!)

Kai: *Looks up from newspaper* Hm? What's that-OMG A CAT! This looks like a job for the best and most handsome ninja!

Cat: ...Meow? (Lolz, what?)

Kai: *Grabs a ladder* I'm comin' kitty! Just hold tight!

Cat: Meow! (Where did he get that ladder?)

Kai: *Climbs up ladder* Here kitty kitty kitty

Cat: Meow (Ah, get away from me) *Scoots away from Kai*

Kai: Come here ya' dumb cat!

Cat: MEOW! (That's it! You pissed me off!) *Starts scratching Kai's face*

Kai: AAAHHHH! AAAHHHH! GET IT OFF ME! AHHHH! *Falls off the ladder*

Cat: Meow! (Thanks for the help chump, here's your thank you present) *Squats over Kai's face*

* * *

Ratchet: Okay! That's enough footage!

Swords: Aww...you bastard

Ratchet: I'll put the tape in your office

Swords: Thank you. Well, that's the news for now. This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!

Ratchet: And this is...Ratchet...

Swords: NO SIGN OFF FOR YOU!

* * *

**I don't know why, but I decided to write this...yeah.**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	2. Chapter 2

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight: the author watches the LEGO Movie and it didn't suck like she thought it would, a man is hit by a car, and Zane shows us how to make a five cheese pizza. Welcome diamond swordians, to The Diamond News Show

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**We are not hiding waffles under the anchor's desk. And now, here are your anchors, Swords Evelyn and Ratchet Lombax **

Swords: Thank you invisible narrator. Good evening everyone-

Ratchet: Evening? It's 1:17 in the afternoon

Swords: *Turns head slowly to looks at Ratchet*

Ratchet: ...What? It is.

Swords: ...*Slaps Ratchet* I'm Swords Evelyn and here's the news that the other channels didn't give two sh*ts about.

Ratchet: That hurt...

Swords: Don't ever interrupt my introduction Ratchet, don't you watch The Diamond Dare Show?

Ratchet: I'm the co-host

Swords: ...Right...As for the news. Author Amberdiamondswords watched The LEGO Movie for the first time last night, thinking that, due to the ending, it would suck. But after discovering that there was more to the ending than meets the eye, she found the movie absolutely amazing. Here's a clip of her favorite part

* * *

Batman: We are stuck in the middle of the ocean! And it's not like a giant ship is gonna come out of nowhere and-MY GOSH!

*A giant ship comes out of nowhere*

* * *

Ratchet: Amberdiamondswords was also caught throwing money at the screen at Emmet's idea for the Double Decker Couch and listening to Everything is Awesome for what looked to be fifteen hours straight...that song is annoying...wait, I'm getting word that the author was listening to Everything is Awesome while she was writing this and that I should shut the hell up...HEY!

Swords: Ehehe, here on Fan Fiction, everything is awesome

Ratchet: Yes it is

Swords: In other news, a man was hit and hospitalized by a car. We now go to Frank FunnyLastName with more

* * *

Frank: I can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks Swords. Indeed a man was hit by a car while walking across the street today, he is in the hospital with a broken leg, rib, and arm. The name of the victim is Swordian 69, and he claims to have been hit by a purple vehicle. We'll have more after this.

* * *

Ratchet: Purple vehicle and Swordian 69? Uh...Swords?

Swords: *Hacks into Police Department computer and starts deleting evidence* Just move on to the next bit...I SAID MOVE ON!

Ratchet: AH! and now, here's Zane showing us how to make a five cheese pizza

**~Zane's Cooking Corner That's Actually in a Corner~**

Swords: *Runs into the kitchen gasping* I'm here, I'm here...so Zane...how do you make a five cheese pizza

Zane: Well, it's just an ordinary pizza with five kinds of cheeses instead of one

Swords: *Still gasping* That's the most f*cking genius thing I've ever head. How do we start making it?

Zane: First we have to prepare the dough by taking it and throwing it into the air *Tosses dough*

Swords: *Tosses dough and starts singing in an Italian accent*

_When your car hits a guy_

_And his bod, it goes fly_

_That's a dead guy_

Zane: What was that?

Swords: NOTHING! What's next?!

Zane: ...Well, now we add the sauce *spreads tomato sauce on the dough*

Swords: ...*Put a tomato on the dough*

Zane: Um, it has to be sauce

Swords: *smashes tomato with diamond sword*

Zane: Okay then...now we choose the five cheeses that we want *puts mozzarella, parmesan, cheddar, blue, and white cheddar on the pizza*

Swords: *Puts all cheeses on the pizza* ...What? I multiplied by five.

Zane: Now we put it in the oven for twenty minutes

Swords: Twenty?! Screw that! *Puts oven on high*

Zane: No don't!

Swords: Wha-

*Ovens blow up*

Zane: *Coughs up smoke* And that's how you make...five cheese pizza *falls to the floor*

Swords: *goes back to the anchor desk* Thanks Zane, I'm sure that it would've been delicious.

Ratchet: *Sits in his chair*

Swords Where've you been?

Ratchet: I went to Ace Hardware and bought Clank a stool so he's not too short for the camera

Swords: Ah, alrighty then. Clank how's the weather going to be this week?

Clank: We shall be expecting-

Swords: I'm sorry Clank, your adorableness is blocking out what you're saying. Better luck next time!

Clank *facepalm*

Swords: Well, that's the news for now. This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!

Ratchet: Um...Zane's on fire over there

Swords: Quickly! Get it on video so we can show it in the next episode!

Ratchet: I don't have a video camera

Swords: YOU SUCK!

* * *

**This story is way to awesome to just make one chapter. There will be many chapters I assure you. **

**And yes, I did watch the LEGO Movie last night, but it didn't take Frozen's place as my favorite movie (even though the Ratchet and Clank Movie is going to replace Frozen the split second it's released into theaters...IN JANUARY! *Starts crying* I still have the link to the trailer on my profile, so watch it...RIGHT NOW! Especially if you don't know what the hell Ratchet and Clank look like)**

**Make sure to leave a review while you pick up your complementary toasters (everyone gets double toasters because I forgot to give them out last chapter)**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	3. Chapter 3

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight, the author hears some familiar names in Futurama, we finally get to hear the weather report, and the band Owl City will do a musical performance here in our studio. Welcome diamond swordians, to The Diamond News Show

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**We're as evil as the FOX Network. And now, here are your anchors, Swords Evelyn and Ratchet Lombax**

Swords: Thank you invisible narrator. Good evening everyone, I'm Swords Evelyn

Ratchet: And I'm Ratchet Lombax and here's the news that no one cares about. Author Amberdiamondswords was watching the Futurama movie marathon today on Comedy Central when she heard two familiar names. One in Bender's Big Score and one in Bender's Game. We have the footage here

* * *

~Bender's Big Score~

Bender: I got the doomsday device!

Scam Alien: Put it in the safe Clanky!

AmberDS: *Drops iPod*

~Bender's Game~

Doctor: Send in the nurse!

Nurse: Hello Bender, I'm nurse Ratchet

AmberDS: *Falls off of couch*

* * *

Ratchet: The names Clanky and-HEY!

Swords: Hahahaha! Your name was in Futurama!

Ratchet: *angry tone* Mmmmmmm...

Swords: Ehehe, well we've kept you waiting long enough, here is LC with the weather report

LC: Thank you Swords, without my adorable robot body I can finally tell the weather

Swords: That robot body belongs to Clank, not you!

LC: But I am Clank!

Swords: No you're not!

LC: But my name is Lombax Clank!

Swords: Doesn't prove anything!

LC: *angry tone* Mmmmmmm. This week will consist of sun and thunderstorms with mid seventy temperatures...well, for the author's town at least. Seriously, what's the point of this? I'm not telling actual weather, I'm just-

**~WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES~**

Swords: And that's why I don't like LC. I can't wait until Amber rewires him in When Dimensions Collide II

LC: WHAT?!

Swords: Be quiet you bits over!

Ratchet: Well now we go to-

**BREAKING NEWS**

Ratchet: Hey I was talking!

Swords: Shut up Ratchet, we have breaking news! What's going on out there Frank?

* * *

Frank: It's devastating Swords! An old man has barricaded himself in his monastery with the new teas from Mystake's Tea Shop. The Ninjago SWAT Team is now bettering the front door to get in and save the tea

Swat #1: Alright boys, one, two, three

Swat Team: *Using Dareth as a battering ram* GO!

Dareth: *Slam* OW!

Swat Team: GO!

Dareth: *Slam* OW!

Swat Team: GO!

Dareth: *Slam and breaks the door down* OWWWW!

Swat #1: We're in!

*Swat team enters the monastery and starts checking rooms*

Swat #1: Clear!

Swat #6: Clear!

Swat #4: Clear!

Swat #3: I found something!

*Swat teams enter Garmadon's room to find him drinking tea*

Swat #1: Stay calm, you are being arrested!

Garmadon: *Handcuffed* What?! No! No it wasn't me! The dragon made me do it!

Ultra Dragon: ...?

Swat #5: Over here!

*Swat team finds the door to the Meditating Room*

Swat #1: *Tries to open the door* It's locked!

Bomb Squad #1: OUT OF THE WAY! *ties a creeper to the door*

Everyone: AAAAHHHHHHH!

Creeper: Tsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...BOOOM!

*Swat Team enters Meditating Room where Sensei has the stolen tea*

Sensei: Stay away! Stay away from my babies!

Swat #1: Get him!

Swat #2 and #3: *Tackles Sensei*

Sensei: GET OFF ME! *throws guards off and starts running* YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE SUCKERS! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Swat #7: *Fires a blow dart*

Sensei: OW! Uh...so...sleepy...*Falls to the floor*

Swat #1: Alright boys, cuff him up. Let's get this stolen tea back to Mystake's shop

Frank: And the problem is resolved. Well it looks like our work here is done.

Swat #2: You didn't do anything!

Frank: ...Shut up

Swat #2: ...:(

Frank: Back to you at the studio

* * *

Swords: *chugging sausages*

Ratchet: Go go go go go go g-*Taps Swords' leg*

Swords: *throws crate* Mm...that's the news...mmm...now here's Owl City...mmmm...with their popular song...mm...Fireflies

*Owl City walks on stage*

_You would not believe your eyes_  
_ If ten million fireflies_  
_ Lit up the world as I fell asleep_  
_ 'Cause they'd fill the open air_  
_ And leave tear drops everywhere_  
_ You'd think me rude_  
_ But I would just stand and stare_

_ I'd like to make myself believe_  
_ That planet Earth turns slowly_  
_ It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_  
_ 'Cause everything is never as it seems_

_ 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs_  
_ From ten thousand lightning bugs_  
_ As they tried to teach me how to dance_  
_ A foxtrot above my head_  
_ A sock hop beneath my bed_  
_ The disco ball is just hanging by a thread_  
_ (Thread, thread...)_

_ I'd like to make myself believe_  
_ That planet Earth turns slowly_  
_ It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_  
_ 'Cause everything is never as it seems_  
_ (When I fall asleep)_

_ Leave my door open just a crack_  
_ (Please take me away from here)_  
_ 'Cause I feel like such an insomniac_  
_ (Please take me away from here)_  
_ Why do I tire of counting sheep?_  
_ (Please take me away from here)_  
_ When I'm far too tired to fall asleep_  
_ (Ha-ha)_

_ To ten million fireflies_  
_ I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes_  
_ I got misty eyes as they said farewell_  
_ (Said farewell)_  
_ But I'll know where several are_  
_ If my dreams get real bizarre_  
_ 'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar_  
_ (Jar, jar, jar...)_

_ I'd like to make myself believe_  
_ That planet Earth turns slowly_  
_ It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_  
_ 'Cause everything is never as it seems_  
_ (When I fall asleep)_

_ I'd like to make myself believe_  
_ That planet Earth turns slowly_  
_ It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_  
_ Because my dreams are bursting at the seams_

Swords: God I love that song

Ratchet: Meh, it's okay

Swords: Boy...get the f*ck out

* * *

**GAMESCON NEXT MONTH WHOOOOO! (MAYBE) NEW RATCHET AND CLANK MOVIE TRAILER! WHOOOOOOOOO!**

**Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toasters!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	4. Chapter 4

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight, the author creates a new account, a sudden increase in dare show population is discussed, and a tragic marching ban incident stops the Ninjago Day Parade in its' tracks. And me and Ratchet reenact the reprise of First Time in Forever from Frozen. Welcome diamond swordians, to The Diamond News Show

Ratchet: You're facing the wrong camera!

Swords: ...*Turns to the right camera* Tonight-

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**If it says "DDS" in spray paint on your car, Frank did it. And now, here are your anchors, Swords Evelyn and Ratchet Lombax**

Swords: *Facing backwards* Thank you invisible narrator...looks like our whole crew turned invisible

Ratchet: *Turns Swords around*

Swords: Nevermind, I found them. Anyway I'm Swords Evelyn

Ratchet: And I'm Ratchet Lombax and here's the news that no one knows or cares about. Author Amberdiamondswords created a new account to get a fresh start on stories. Her new name is Sword of Robotics, and her OC manifestation is named Tech Matrix

Swords: Tech Matrix? My cousin?

Ratchet: Whooga-jigga what? COUSIN?! You have a cousin?!

Swords: Uh, yeah, Tech is my older cousin. She tried to teach me to be good but I never listened. And it was totally worth it *Drinks from a cup that says 'Tom Cruise'*

Ratchet: Anyway, Robotics has already written three stories. Call Me Tech is the story of Cindy Surge and her story of becoming the silver ninja of technology. Ninjamon 2000 The Power of One is a Ninjago parody of Pokémon the Movie 2000 (the one with Lugia). And The Digital Dare Show is a futuristic dare show with host Tech Matrix. The author accepts OC co-hosts. So be sure to check those stories out.

Swords: Half robotic digital bitch

Ratchet: Swords!

Swords: I'm just sayin'. In other news a sudden increase in dare shows has appeared out of nowhere. There are now NINE active dare shows in the Ninjago Archive, and fans are saying 'holy crap where did all of these come from?!' Seriously...they came out of freaking NOWHERE! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Ratchet: Calm down

Swords: Haaaaaaah haaaaaaaaaaah haaaaaaaah

Ratchet: Breathe girl breathe!

Swords: *Breathes into a paper bag* You...you can cover the next story...

Ratchet: Okay. An unexpected event happened to day during the Ninjago City Parade when several items shot out of the tubas. We have the footage here

* * *

*At the Ninjago City parade*

Marching band: *Marching down the street*

_**And here comes the tuba solo!**_

Tuba player: *blows into tube and hot sauce spews out from the top*

Crowd: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Trumpet player: MY EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! IT BURNS!

Flute player: Why is there hot sauce in the tuba?!

Trombone player: Hey, it's not that bad, there's chocolate too!

Snare player: That's not chocolate!

* * *

Ratchet: Uh, why did that snare drum player sound like you?

Swords: No reason *hides a snare drum under her chair* No reason at all. Now to end this episode, me and Ratchet will now reenact the reprise of First Time in Forever from Frozen.

Ratchet: I never agreed to that

Swords: Be quiet, yes you did

Ratchet" No, I didn't

Swords: ...*Pulls out diamond sword* Boy, get over to the stage!

Ratchet: Okay, okay, I'm going!

Ratchet: You don't have to protect me I'm not afraid  
Please don't shut me out again,  
Please don't slam the door  
_You don't have to keep your distance anymore_

_'Cause for the first time in forever_  
_ I finally understand_  
_ For the first time in forever_  
_ We can fix this hand in hand_

_ We can head down this mountain together_  
_ You don't have to live in fear_  
_ 'Cause for the first time in forever,_  
_ I will be right here_

Swords: Ratchet,  
_Please go back home, your life awaits_  
_ Go enjoy the sun and open up the gates_

Ratchet: Yeah, but -

Swords: I know  
_You mean well, but leave me be_  
_ Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free_  
_ Just stay away and you'll be safe from me_

Ratchet: _Actually we're not_

Swords: _What do you mean you're not?_

Ratchet: _I get the feeling you don't know_

Swords: _What do I not know?_

Ratchet: _Arendelle's in deep, deep, deep, deep...snow_

Swords: What?

Ratchet: You've kind of set off an eternal winter... everywhere

Swords: Everywhere?

Ratchet: It's okay, you can just unfreeze it

Swords: No, I can't, I - I don't know how!

Ratchet: Sure you can! I know you can!  
_'Cause for the first time in forever_,

Swords: _Oh I'm such a fool, I can't be free!_

Ratchet: _You don't have to be afraid_

Swords: _No escape from the storm inside of me!_

Ratchet: _We can work this out together_

Swords: _I can't control the curse!_

Ratchet: _We'll reverse the storm you've made_

Swords: _Ohhhh, Ratchet, please, you'll only make it worse!_

Ratchet: _Don't panic_

Swords: _There's so much fear!_

Ratchet: _We'll make the sun shine bright_

Swords: _You're not safe here!_

Ratchet: _We can face this thing together_

Swords: _No..._

Ratchet: _We can change this winter weather_

Swords: _I..._

Ratchet: _And everything will be alright..._

Swords: _I CAN'T! _*throws sword at Ratchet*

Ratchet: *Hit with sword* OWWWWWWW! AH MY GOD! THAT F*CKING HURTS! SON OF A BITCH! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Swords: OH GOD! OH MY GOD! HOLY SH*T I DIDN'T MEAN-OH GOD!

Paramedics: *Come in with a stretcher and puts Ratchet in an ambulance*

Swords: ...Well...hey Clank! You wanna help Swords get money for Ratchet's hospital bill?

*Swords hears the sound of a door closing*

Swords: ...Clank?

* * *

**Whoo, I finally got this episode up!**

**Note to self: Never perform a duet with Swords, cause someone is gonna get hurt...badly**

**You got a story to report? Send it in and it might get broadcasted here on DNS!**

**Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toaster!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	5. Chapter 5

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight, a new co-host is added to the Diamond Dare Show, Peytonholloway11 starts the most unusual dare show we've seen yet, and is Clank playing Where's Waldo in Futurama? Welcome diamond swordians, to The Diamond News Show

Ratchet: *Swords in his face* I'm not a camera

Swords: Well your face sure looks like one!

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**These stories are as real as every piece of evidence on Ghost Hunters**

Swords: Thank you invisible narrator. Good evening everyone, I'm Swords Evelyn

Ratchet: And I'm Ratchet Lombax and here's the news that the author threw together about two minutes ago. A new co-host was-

Swords Author Amberdiamondswords has added a new co-host to the Diamond Dare Show, he seems to be-

Ratchet: Hey, I was telling the story

Swords: And now I am, now find a way to be okay with that

Ratchet: -_-

Swords: Anyway, Lord Death from the anime Soul Eater has earned a spot as the new co-host for DDS. Fans are definitely skeptical about the new addition because 87% of them don't know who the hell he is. Here's one fan's reaction:

**=ForeverDreamer12**

**OH MY EFFING OVERLORD ITS LORD DEATH! YUS! Okay, Lord Death, I DARE YOU TO...CUT OFF HALF OF KIDD'S HAIR AND RECORD HIS SCREAMING RANT ABOU SYMMETRY AND THEN MAKE EVERYONE IN THE DARESHOW LISTEN TO IT ON A LOOP! *pant pant* Sorry, bit excited here! I didn't even know you were a Soul Eater fan! :D**

**Ever**

Swords: And people are already sending in questions for the humorous grim reaper. Like these ones:

**-Nicole Jett**

**For Lord Death: ...WHO THE HEY-WORD ARE YOU?!**

**-Glitchmonstrosity**

**What made you want to be a co-host on DDS?**

Swords: Well, some people do seem excited now don't they? I'm sure that he'll make a great addition...wait...if he's a new co-host...then he'll need a job here on DNS. Frank! Fire somebody to make room for Lord Death!

Frank: Yes ma'am!

Ratchet: While Swords and Frank are firing people I guess I'll take the next story. Author Peytonholloway11 has started a most unusual dare show recently called Truth or Dare: The authors. In this particular dare show, you can actually dare authors that we've seen here around the Ninjago Fan Fiction Archive. And Swords will be a darable character. I'm sure that she won't destroy everything

Swords: Who says?

Ratchet: Me! That's who!

Swords: You can't tell me what to do!

Ratchet: You don't know that!

Swords: Yes I do!

Ratchet: No you don't!

Swords: Alright, come here you son of a-

**We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties. Please enjoy a clip of Lord Death Reaper Chopping a stop sign.**

Lord Death: *Walking (At least...I think he walks...he doesn't have legs) down the sidewalk* MY, what a lovely place Diamond County is! I wonder what all is he-*Runs into a stop sign* OW! That hurt! Apologize right now!

Stop Sign: ...

Lord Death: *Pissed off* REAPER CHOP! *Karate chops stop sign*

...

...

...

Lord Death: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! THAT STOP SOGN IS A BASTARD!

Jay: I know right?

**And we're back!**

Ratchet: *Beaten up*

Swords: Sorry about that, we were having...rodent problems

Ratchet: *Angry tone* Mmmmmm...

Swords: Ehehe. Anyway, to our last story, it seems that our little Clanky decided to make an appearance on Comedy Central. In the episode of Futurama "Assie Come Home", Bender the robot gets mugged and taken apart. His friends Fry and Leela take him to a robot part shop to try to locate his stolen parts. But then the police come in and arrest the store owner for illegally selling robot parts. But, in the screenshot where the police officer has the owner in custody and Leela, Fry, and Bender are standing right next to them, you'll see some robots in the background. And if you look right next to the yellow Dalek from Doctor Who (that show makes a lot of Doctor Who references), you will see a somewhat rusted box with legs. That rusted box is actually Clank's body! Clank was on freaking Futurama!

Ratchet: That piece of crap was on TV before me!

Swords: Don't worry Ratchet, you'll be on TV plenty when your movie's commercial airs in December/January

Ratchet: *Slumps in chair* Meeeh

Swords:*Pats Ratchet on the shoulder* Ah, don't worry buddy, your time will come

Ratchet: No it won't

Swords: Yeah, it probably won't. Everyone's going to watch the commercial just to see Clank

Ratchet: Grrrrrrr

Swords: Ehehe...ah you're not my favorite

* * *

**Huh, this time I actually delivered actual news...how bout that?**

**I posted a few videos on the bottom of my profile of Lord Death so you can get a better view on him. So be sure to check those out. I think that you'll really like him**

**I'm going to do fan reports next chapter, so don't worry, I'll get to them**

**Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toaster!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	6. Chapter 6

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight, our author does a cleanout in her story archive, new stories have been planned, and are we going to be Swordsless again in the next chapter of DDS? Welcome diamond swordians, to The Diamond News Show

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**If Swords is entering your window and is stealing your stuff, she's just testing your security system...just keep believing that**

Swords: Thank you invisible narrator. Good afternoon everyone, I'm Swords Evelyn

Ratchet: And I'm Ratchet Lombax, and here's the news that we had edited out of the newspaper so that we could report it. Author Amberdiamondswords did I a little 'Autumn Cleaning' in her story archive, getting rid of the stories that she no longer wishes to work on. Here's a list of the stories:

-Swords Plays

-When Dimensions Collide: The Two Months

-Nindroid Apocalypse II: Dawn of the Mutants

-Job Hunting

-A Ninjago Christmas

-An Eon's Watch

Ratchet: Amberdiamondswords plans on doing another Ninjago Christmas story, but it will not include Amber, Ratchet, or Clank...awwwwww

Swords: Buck up you fuzzball, I'm sure that you'll be referenced or something

Ratchet: You really think so?

Swords: Nope

Ratchet: -_-

Swords: Ehehe. Anyone, onto the next story! Amberdiamondswords is planning three upcoming stories. First up is Ninja Souls, a crossover of Ninjago and Soul Eater. It's plot is the same as Soul Eater, except the ninja become apart of the story as weapons/meisters and Garmadon is working with Medusa to awake the Kishin, Asura. The second story is an unnamed Halloween Ninjago story where the ninja drink a unique tea to become kids again so they can go trick or treating like intheir childhood. The third is Jay vs. The Stop Sign: Round 2, where Jay runs into his arch-enemy, a robotic stop sign, once more. That sure is gonna be one hell of a fight...but if they crash into my studio again, I'm gonna kill the person closest to me...*Looks at Ratchet*

Ratchet: Oh god...*Scoots away* Oh god. L-Let's just move on to the next story

Swords: Right, but before we do that, let's go to Lord Death with the item of the day. What today's item Death?

Lord Death: *Strums his mandolin* Coffee Beans!

Swords: That's f*cking fantastic! *chugs a mocha* Ohhhhhh yeah!

Ratchet: ...Okay, that was exciting

Swords: DAMN RIGHT IT WAS!

Ratchet: I'm frightened

Swords: *Grabs Ratchet's shirt collar* Damn right you are...

Ratchet: ...

Swords: ...ALRIGHTY THEN! Take the next story Mr. Kitty!

Ratchet: Still not a cat, but alright. Amberdiamondswords has been making progress in typing the new episode of the Diamond Dare Show. But, she decided to add a little surprise. As some of you can recall, in the previous season of DDS, there was an episode where Swords was absent due to her being in jail. Well the author brought the idea back and Swords will be absent once again. The cause of her absence is unknown, but it's probably going to be a stupid reason...like always

Swords: *Rolls over Ratchet's tail*

Ratchet: *Tears in his eyes* Well, that's all the news that we have to report for now.

Swords: This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!

Ratchet: Hey, did we ever figure out a new job for Clank?

Swords: I think so

Clank: *Jumping up and down, trying a reach a camera* I know that being small makes me adorable, but sometimes it's a pain in my metal rear!

Swords: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...ahhh, he said rear. You're funny Clank...you really are.

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**Hey, look at my new profile pic! **

**I grew a little tired of the old one. So now instead of a fanmade Amber Draco, we have a zany grim reaper from an anime (...it's Lord Death)**

**Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toaster!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


	7. Chapter 7

Swords: *rolls up in a chair to an anchor desk* Tonight, the author has began two new stories, Lord Death and Clank finally gives us the weather report, and The Diamond Dare Show is going around the world and enters a Deadly Night. Welcome diamond swordians, to the Diamond News Show

**THE DIAMOND NEWS SHOW**

**HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?! ****And now, here are your anchors, Swords Evelyn and Ratchet Lombax.**

Swords Than you invisible narrator, no doubt that you will be a ghost for Halloween. Hello swordians, I am Swords Evelyn.

Ratchet: And I'm Ratchet Lombax and here's the news that people already most likely know but we're reporting it anyway

Swords: First up, our author, Amberdiamondswords, has started two new stories. First is her Ninjago Halloween Special, Trick-or-Ninja, where the ninja decide to take Lloyd and Amber trick-or-treating. The costumes have been chosen and implemented, the costumes are as followed

Kai: Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate

Jay: Lord Death from Soul Eater

Cole: A Viking, but the author pointed out that the costume somewhat resembled Stoick from How to Train Your Dragon

Zane: Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians

Lloyd: Robin from Teen Titans (the GOOD Teen Titans, not the Go! crap...)

Amber: A female version of Ezio from Assassin's Creed

Swords: And the author has confirmed that we will make a cameo in the story, but only in one small part

Ratchet: Awwwww, how come I always get small parts in real stories?

Swords: Oh shut up you, you're the co-host one the most popular dare show in the Ninjago Archive and you're getting a movie!

Ratchet: It makes me wonder how many Swordians will go and see the movie because of The Diamond Dare Show

Swords: Probably a lot. ANYWAY, the other story the author has started is called 'Slip into Madness'. A story in which a virus enters Zane's CPU and slowly begins to eat away his sense of sanity. Not much is known about the story right now besides that, but it got seven reviews for the first chapter, so it might even be as successful as Nindroid Apocalypse *Gasping* That was A LOT of talking! Whoo!

Ratchet R-right...well then. While Swords catches her breath, let's go to Clank and Lord Death with the weather report. What's this week going to look like guys?

Clank: Well Ratchet, as you can see-

Lord Death: *Strums his mandolin* IT'S GOING TO BE FREAKING COLD ALL WEEK BUT IT'S GOING TO BE SUNNY SO LET'S ENJOY THE CHILLY SUNSHINE!

Ratchet: ...

Clank: ...

Everyone else in the general area: ...

Clank: *Breaks the mandolin over Lord Death's head*

Lord Death: OWWWEEEE! AHHHHHHH! MY MANDOLIN!

Clank: Do not interrupt me next time

Swords: Happy Birthday Clank!

Clank: Thank you!

Ratchet: Wait, it's his birthday?

Swords: ...

Clank: ...

Swords: ...*Breaks a chair over Ratchet's head* YES IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY! HE TURNED THIRTEEN!

Ratchet: *Bleeding on the floor* Oh...okay...h-happy birthday pal

Clank: Are you alright?

Ratchet: Oh yeah I'm just...I'm just gonna chill here for a bit

Swords; Well, while you're doing that, I'll take the last story. *Chugs a Coke Zero and clears her throat* Our author made a somewhat unexpected move with the Diamond Dare Show plot as she revealed that she is taking the beloved dare show around the world to three countries: France, Italy, and England. The author claimed that she wanted to take the show in a different direction and try something that she's never done before. So the next three episodes of DDS will take place in a different country. As for the other DDS news, the author has posted the DDS Halloween special, which is called "Deadly Night". The Deadly Night being Halloween night. Because she didn't bring the dare show fully around the world yet, the author was forced to make the special its own story. Also, the actual special was supposed to be posted today, but the author fells short on time. So we can expect it to be posted sometime this week. I look forward to hosting it.

Ratchet: ...I love how you were complaining about talking a lot before, but you just spoke twice as much and you're not gasping for air-

Swords: *Falls out of her seat gasping for air*

Ratchet: Nevermind. Can you do the sign off?

Swords: *Gasp* This is *Gasp* Amberdiamondswords, *Gasp* Lordess of Diamond Swordness,*Gasp* pledger to Tobuscus, *Gasp* signing off!

Lord Death: *Crying over his mandolin*

Ratchet: Awww, don't worry Reaper, I'm sure that you can get it replaced

Lord Death: REAPER CHOP! *Karate chops Ratchet on the head*

Ratchet: OWWWWWW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Lord Death: I don't know, I just needed to chop something!

Ratchet: ...*Sighs* I need to stay away from him from now on

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**MAKE SURE TO WISH CLANK A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! WE LOVE YOU CLANKY!**

**Yeah, sorry I couldn't post the Halloween special today, I had a fuller plate than expected**

**Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complementary toaster (the special Clank Edition)!**

**This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


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